Searching for a real-life happy ever after

Why bad boys are so damn attractive

January 4, 2010 at 7:53 am (Braindumps) (attraction, bad, boys, love, lust, men, relationships, romance, women)

(don’t worry, I’ll continue the Mr A story soon, promise…)

But first, let’s talk bad boys. And let’s be specific here -

Bad boy: A dashingly handsome, charismatic character who is in it for number 1, and will act first and lie to cover it up later.

The reason i’m bringing these gems up is because my life seems to have become over the last few years a bit of a emo-punk song, as in I’m always the girl all the bad guys want. The sweet, darling potential princes with their bouquets of flowers and romantic gestures seem to stay well away… I think I intimidate them a little… But because of this it’s been very easy to fall in the bad boy trap. The trap being that you assume there must me nice guys amongst your potential suitors… The trouble being that if you’re a GATBGW, your ratio of good to bad pluments to somewhere like 1:20!

So the puzzle I had to contend with is how on Earth do I stop attracting these bad boys? And what is it that I do which means that they zero in on me from the other side of the room??

For the solution I conducted a bit of a social experiment. Watching the way I interact and people interact with me in social situations. Now, I don’t deny that I’m a flirt, as this is just part of me, but I really studied body language for this one – and still didn’t hit the nail on the head with my actions until I was trying to give a friend sone dating pointers. The words just fell out of my mouth…

“There are many levels on which to communicate with the opposite sex, as friends, emotional connection, body language, and then this kind of higher level of body language that’s associated with sex…”

Bingo. A second layer of body language. The stuff that when you look at a boy you can almost read his thoughts if he wants you… And the problem is that they can see you know, and respond accordingly. Now tbh most people I’m sure already communicate on this level as it’s the general factor in random hook-ups… The thing that I needed to understand was how to stop myself falling for these all these unsavory-types

So what’s the deal with this kind of interaction? Lots of eye contact, an acknowledgement of what they’re thinking, understanding their actions without them needing to say anything. The worst part is noticing when a taken man is doing it, and some girlfriends are completely unaware that they speak fluent dog, even while stood next to them. It’s sometimes like “hey… ignore her, I’m really thinking we should find somewhere quiet”… All said through their body language. But why does just understanding it make them seem more desirable than perhaps the less blatent ones… The nice guys who will just watch in dismay as a bad boy swoops in for the kill?

Three reasons:
1) They move faster, more passionately.
2) They shower you with attention when you’re at you most vunerable.
3) You know from the word go that they’re attracted to you.

The attraction is superficial, a primitive one, built it to our genes to ensure species survival. But they force you to begin communicating with the bad boy, and once they have a route in they can get you to listen much more to them, they gain the power. And strangely, that’s attractive. It’s nice to have a man who knows what he wants desire you.

The downsides?
1) He probably does this with every attractive girl he meets… hedges his bets and collects all his winnings.
2) He’s probably not very good at commitment, as temptation is always around the corner.
3) He’s pretty likely to trade you in for a younger/prettier model at the first opportunity.
4) He’s even more likely to only be in it for one thing.

So… To stop falling for them… I had to stop interacting with them like that. I had to read their signals… Then act differently… Duck our from the situation that would lead to the enivitable kiss… Try to avoid getting blinded by lust as they showered on the right kind of attention. Oh an most importantly of all… Give a “just not interested” signal back!

And it’s actually begining to work. Much less awkward moments, and strangely guys making much more of an effort to get to know me and win my attention. Sounds really small, but a good indicator that I’m becoming much less GATBGW and more princess-like at last.

By jove old bean, I think she’s getting the hang of this princess-lark… One step at a time!

Big love…

Cammie x